Guest column by Beverly Low, Dean of First-Year Students

Editor’s Note: President Jeffrey Herbst’s column will debut in the winter 2011 Scene. Read his profile in this issue.


(photo by Andrew Daddio)
My mother likes to tell many stories about my undergraduate college years (1980–1984). Apparently, I was quite entertaining back then. One of her consistent themes is the irregularity with which I phoned home my freshman year. I will admit to a three-week span in which I was “too busy” to call. This prompted a threat from my father to drive three-and-a-half  hours to retrieve me.
    Those days of waiting in line for the pay phone to call home on a Sunday night (and reversing the charges to mom and dad) are long gone. Welcome, handheld devices and smart phones.
    It was back in the 2004 fall term that mobile phones seemed to proliferate on campus overnight. I clearly recall one of my first encounters with a student’s ability to connect with a parent in an instant. One of my advisees received a low grade on her first PSYC 150 exam. Walking out of Olin Hall in tears, she flipped open her cell phone and called her mother. Within minutes, the mother was on the phone with me, just as the student walked into my office.
    That encounter marked the beginning of a shift in communication not only between students and parents, but also among students and faculty and staff members. Soon, I found myself dialing long distance to Montana to reach someone in Andrews Hall! By 2006–2007, residence hall telephone jacks were no longer operating, and we began collecting cell phone numbers from students at Orientation. This year, we have cell phone numbers for all but 40 members of the Class of 2014.
    Ready or not, I have reached the phase where my high school and college friends are sending their children off to college. By now, most of us have cell phones, but the explosion of Facebook, Twitter, Skype, G-chat, etc., has taken instant communication to a whole new level. A quick query indicated that my friends rely on text messages to keep up with their children at college. According to one: “Voice mail is obsolete — if you leave a message, they do not listen to it right away. Texting is preferred. They can share information, but we cannot ask questions!” Cell phones and other handheld devices have also replaced the need for a clock, daily planner, and … gasp … Rolodex! Upon her daughter’s recent college graduation, my former roommate asked, “Would you like a nice watch?” After her newly minted graduate stopped laughing, she responded, “Only old people wear watches. I check the time on my phone.”
    “Old people” (parents) do use e-mail to exchange essential information, such as travel itineraries, family matters, and important dates, with their students. And I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the weekly phone conversation is alive and well — a majority of my friends speak with their college-age children at least once per week.
    I also polled the 51 members of our Link staff (student peer advisers) for their thoughts on communication with their families, and generally found their comments to be similar to the parents’. One common thread is that frequency of communication lessened over time as they became more involved in academic work and campus activities. About half said they make quick calls to a parent when walking to class or waiting to meet friends, but texting is the most frequent method; many text a parent at least once daily. It is a mixed bag with other modes — most students who Skype with their families are studying abroad. Others reported some interesting episodes, such as, “We tried Skyping once, but it consisted of my entire family trying to fit their heads into one screen, which was pretty unsuccessful.”
    At the end of the day, the frequency and mode of communication between parents and college students should be a family decision. From a college dean’s perspective, I always offer a few key points for parents to consider:
•    Pause. College students typically contact a parent at times of extremes — when something fantastic has occurred, or things are lousy. Try to listen and absorb before responding. Find out how the student plans on solving a problem and offer appropriate guidance.
•    Wait 24 hours. Give your student a chance to figure things out independently, which will promote personal growth and transform learning.
•    Find something to talk about. Emily Bradley ’10 remarked, “The most rewarding conversations I had with my parents when I was at Colgate grew out of mutual experience. Reading the same New York Times article, calling during the commercial break in a sports game…” — a great way to build a relationship based on more than money requests and cold remedy advice!
      Just last week, I caught myself referring to my Blackberry as my “security blanket.” A seasoned, silver-haired professional, I am just as dependent upon it as the first-years I advise. In fact, I find it hard to imagine staying in contact with Links or successfully navigating three days of Orientation without it. But one thing that has remained constant is the value of a weekly telephone conversation — there is no substitute for hearing a familiar voice on the line. Oops … I had better call home, it’s been a while …